Tips
Back - 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67- Next
Tip #58
I recently received several emails concerning the '10 Dumbest Criminals'. I always find those lists amusing because there are some real numbskulls out there. I have also added a great piece from the St. Petersburg Times September 9, 2003 edition and will add two of my personal favorites from my two plus decades with the City Of Clearwater PD. Here is the St. Petersburg Times article.
"Machine guns told them this was no toll booth"
Three rocket scientists decided to run the Lee Roy Selmon Expressway toll
booth, a not unusual event for scumbags. Unfortunately, these mental midgets
were trying to run the Main Gate at MacDill Air Force Base. They must have
thought, if possible for them to do so, that Tampa was really cracking down
on toll evaders due to the fact that the traffic stop was made by GI's armed
with machine guns! In very short order, "... they were swarmed by uniformed
guards, military vehicles and machine guns." By the way, there was crack
cocaine plainly visible on the front seat and the search revealed drug paraphernalia
and $1,000 in cash. Go figure -- drugs! That must be the reason we call it
dope!
I always found police work rewarding as well as entertaining. There are two really memorable events that come to my mind when talking about dumb criminals. Here goes:
1. I was attending traffic court on South Fort Harrison about 15 years ago. While waiting for my case to be called, a man arrested for DUI was called for his trial. He had been arrested by a Florida Highway patrolman and was contesting the charge. He decided to represent himself and was given very specific instructions by the judge. The trooper testified and the subject was then asked if he wanted to cross-examine. He stated that he did and began. Within the first three minutes, the judge reprimanded him at least 20 times for various and repeated violations of the instructions given to him by the judge. Finally the subject asked the Trooper "How strong was the odor of alcohol on my breath when you stopped me for suspected DUI?" The Trooper's face almost split apart in the biggest grin I have ever seen and he said "About as strong as it is right now!" The judge actually stood up and loomed over the suspect and asked in a booming voice "HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?" The subject said in a tiny, little voice "Yes your honor. I was nervous." The judge, who was still standing then said "BAILIFF, REMOVE THIS MAN FROM MY COURT RIGHT NOW AND BRING HIM BEFORE ME FOR TRIAL TOMORROW MORNING." and off goes the subject to jail. I was sitting with a bunch of cops from various jurisdictions and we absolutely lost it. We ran out of the courtroom and spent about 20 - 30 minutes rolling on the floor laughing. I spoke with the trooper a few days later and he said that the subject did appear in front of the same judge the next morning and immediately changed his plea to guilty. I have no idea why!
2. About ten years ago, I was working plainclothes with the Tac Team, the finest group of cops that I ever had the pleasure of calling teammates. I was buying crack cocaine, had a CI (confidential informant) with me in my beatup van and driving through a Clearwater neighborhood overrun by drug dealers. I was flagged down by a subject and asked if I wanted to buy some 'rock' and when I said yes, he got in my van and directed me to a location. He exited and ran four blocks west. A few minutes later he returned on a bicycle. He stopped next to my driver's door, handed me two pieces of crack cocaine and I gave him $40.00 of marked City of Clearwater money. I gave the arrest signal and the Tac Team did a jumpout and took him down. They recovered the $40.00 in marked money and four other pieces of crack cocaine from him. He was arrested and charged with sale of crack cocaine and possession of crack cocaine with intent to sell. About three months later, I received a subpeona for a probation violation hearing for the morning and another subpeona for a trial that afternoon for my charges. Both of these vents were in the same courtroom with the same judge. I presented my involvement to the judge in the morning and the judge declared that the scumbag was in violation and sentenced him to five years in Florida State Prison. The judge then states that if he wants to plead guilty to my charges, the subject would receive two added years for a total of seven years. The scumbag states that he wants a jury trial because he was 'in trapped (entrapped).' We go to trial at 1PM that same day. Once again I present my evidence and testimony. The subject chooses to take the stand in his own defense claiming 'in trapment.' He relates his position and is then asked if he sold drugs. He responded that he did not do any such thing and had no prior record. The ASA (Assistant State Attorney) starts laughing because he is now able to cross examine on his previous record. The ASA asked if he did not sell drugs why was he arrested 23 other times for sale and possession of crack cocaine? This mental giant looks right at the six person jury and says "Oh, I forgot about those!" He was immediately found guilty by the jury during their deliberations and sentenced to 17 additional years in state prison by the judge. I guess you can safely say that he was 'in trapped' by his own stupidity.
Here are some other whiz kids from the internet:
Top 10 Dumbest Criminals
RUNNER-UP #9
Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout meeting.
While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog found
a bag of grass in her purse.
RUNNER-UP #8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused
and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe
him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was
in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the
name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested
the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP #7
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car
phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the
guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy
the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP #6
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into
the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his
note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said
"OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who
arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.
RUNNER-UP #5
From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received
in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment,
he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later,
he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of handcuffs.
The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
RUNNER-UP #4
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said
the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's
jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who
happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over
so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the
pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP #3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience
store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney
Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until
the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up,
accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive)
head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been
the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and
recommended a 30-year sentence.
RUNNER-UP #2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for
identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into
the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information
on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in
St. Louis, Missouri.
RUNNER-UP #1
Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
THE WINNER!
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive
cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having
smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first
premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance
company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series
of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man
sued....and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim
was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company
in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed
that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to
be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather
than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted
the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the
fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him
arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony
from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally
burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000
fine.
The final topic for tonight involves Domestic Violence Injunctions and Restraining
Orders. I received a call from the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office about
two ladies who were victims of Domestic Violence and had the protections as
listed. Both ladies' abusers had CWP's. I checked with the Florida Department
of Agriculture and Consumer Services. I was advised that if either a copy
of the injunction or restraining order were provided to the state either by
mail or by fax (1-850-487-7950) along with either the subject's CWP number
or name and social security number, the state would suspend the subject's
CWP until the orders were lifted. I was further advised that the action required
about one week for a letter to go out. I was also advised that local law enforcement
agencies could also pickup the CWP and send it to the state. I recommend that
this be confirmed and coordinated before that action is taken. The public
inquiry number is 1-850-488-5381 and the CWP Director's number is 1-850-488-6982.
STAY SAFE AND GOD BLESS
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!
Tips
Back - 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67- Next